After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
