I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize