As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up under a house in Key West
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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