you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
