i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
