It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
