I want to make a zoo with you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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