Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
