just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
