Even the bartender felt bad for me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
