i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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