doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think I just shit out all my problems.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
