did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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