You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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