I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
