I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
