If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
