why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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