Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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