I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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