I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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