Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
