i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
All the doctor said was why
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
