It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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