I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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