So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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