yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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