hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
