I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
my poor anus
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
