kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
