She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
