i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
