She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
