yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
