i just had sex bonerless
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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