your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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