When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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