Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
