I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
