if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
