I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
