Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
