Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have surprise drugs for everyone
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
