her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize