According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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