dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
