The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we're making bets on your personal life
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
