those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
