When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
