so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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