At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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