I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
