It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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