I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
