this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
