R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
