remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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