Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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