i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
my poor anus
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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