Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
