I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
