Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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