my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
