At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
