Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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